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If you are dating someone who says they aren’t ready to commit, would you wait? How long?

I have been this person. I always made it clear that, as far as they should concern themselves, this wasn't going to change. And it never did.

The guy I am dating right now is not going to commit to me fully. But I am not going to commit to him fully either. We're good for dating and having wonderful sex, but we also understand that we wouldn't work as a long term, live our lives together forever sort of couple.

So if a guy said this to me, it would really depend on how much I loved them. I would wait, if I really, really loved the person (because I am stupid sometimes). But if it were clear that we wouldn't work long term, I would either let it ride as long as it could or I would stop it before it got messy (and I did once before on the 'I am not going to commit' side).

Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?


People make jokes about it?

I know there are cons, but I have never had any that were specifically related to it being my friend that I was sleeping with. Any problems or annoyances that arose were just the result of us not meshing as people or hitting something sexually that we didn't agree on. I've never run into the 'well, you'll fall in love with them' thing.

The only con I really hit was sleeping with a friend who has a major madonna/whore complex. So the first couple of times he slept with me, our relationship changed for a few days because he started being mean to me because I was 

a) A physical representation of his weakness (succumbing to lust is weak!) and

b) As a sexual woman, I was clearly not worthy of respect.

To be fair, this could have happened with someone who wasn't my friend. And actually, because we were friends, I was more understanding of it than some random lay might have been. That doesn't mean I didn't give him shit, it just meant that I was willing to lay out why his shitty behavior was shitty. 

Which comic book character would you like to see on the silver screen? Who would you cast to play the role?

At this point I would just be happy to see a female super hero (or villain) on screen. Portrayed by an actress known more for acting than her tits and starring in the movie, not supporting the male lead.  

X Men nearly got there, but they always focus more on the white male characters (and Wolverine) even when being an ensemble. Save maybe with Pheonix in the third movie but...that was the third movie. And while I did like Mystique in First Class, she got shafted along with Moira and Angel to make way for Xavier and Magneto's slash-baiting (it was adorable and awesome but dear god that movie alone is going to produce so much new fic).

Lately I've been talking with a friend about how awesome a Secret Six show or movie would be. It would need to be an ensemble thing to work right, but the female characters in that book rock and I am so, so sad that DC got rid of it. Also, the book is/was super diverse. Not as much as it could have been, but far more than the majority of things on the market right now.

I do want to add that Barbara Gordon was treated with more respect and care in the porn parody of Batman than she was in Batman and Robin. 

 Me: Brandi, could...you don't have to move off of the couch but could I have my computer back?

Brandi: Sure.

Me: It's just that I haven't been on the internet in, like, four hours-ish and I can feel my powers draining.

Brandi: I think you have a problem.

Me: I know I have a problem. This is why I can never have a smart phone. I'd be so useless to humanity.


But I'd be even better at searching for trivia answers and settling squabbles. Still, I would never look up from a screen. If I can't beat this addiction, the least I can do is manage it. On the plus side, Dan recently called me an 'Internet Demon'. I'm going to have to use that somewhere for something.

If you had a special power, would you hide it or share it with the world, and why?

I would hide the hell out of it.

Maybe this is because I just saw the new X Men flick (AWESOME) or maybe it's because I watched a lot of shows growing up that dealt with people getting powers.

Sharing them never works out. Ever. The government always wants to get you and you're under some obligation to be radically good or evil. There is no middle ground with super powers. 

I would so use my powers for some acts of good. I  would also, admittedly, use them for some very selfish acts. Mostly though I would just use it in my daily life and not really tell anyone that didn't need to know or wasn't living with me or super close to me and good at keeping their mouth shut. If word got out I'd only be using my powers to break out of the back of a black van before I disappear into a vast complex and spend the rest of my days getting injected and tested non-stop.

 So the past few days I have felt an odd connection to one of the verses of 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morrisette. I'm not going through a breakup, but there is a smallish (and by that I mean elephant in the room sized) detail going on in my sex life that is causing it.

If I'm going to have feelings for people, I would really rather they not make me want to sing that song. It's a good song, but connecting to it is just not a good sign for me.

 Just the one.

We have a checklist for what I am to do is she physically attacks me. Because if we both end up at karaoke tonight she may want to talk to me about why I suddenly hate her (which is preposterous. I've disliked her for awhile it's only been the last few weeks that I've stopped making an effort to seem like everything's okay) and if I tell her why she may try to hit me. Or actually hit me. And if she does I'll call the cops and press charges. Because I understand how the law works and a one-sided fight is assault. 

Hopefully it won't come to that. God I hope it doesn't come to that. But it's good to be prepared when dealing with crazy people.

What's your favorite line from a song, and why?


"Trust me cause I know the options/ How about a nine month long vacation and a two foot coffin?"
Not sure why this one sticks to me but I love it. 'Mandy Goes to Med School' is my favorite song from one of my favorite bands and that line always gets me when I listen to it. 


"Your face, your race, the way that you talk/ I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk" 
I always forget how much I love 'Five Years' until I listen to it. Or when this lyrics pops into my head. It isn't one of my favorite songs, it isn't close to being my favorite Bowie song, but there is something about the music in the background and the build of the song and the way Bowie sings that one line that always makes me feel like I'm part of something epic when I hear it.

 I'm watching 'Inside Deep Throat' (despite never seeing 'Deep Throat' itself) and I had a realization. 
The 1970's in America seemed like a really awesome time for someone like me to be alive. It was the last real sexual revolution America had and I probably could have lived in a big city and gone to porn theatres in New York and met all sorts of groovy people who had sex all the time. Because, let's face it, if me now existed in the 1970's, I probably would be finding more people to have sex with in new and creative ways. I mean, college wasn't as super fucking important back then. So it would have been all happy fun times.
But then I would have had to deal with the 1980's. And the backlash. And the AIDS terror. Because, from what I've gathered, even though it was affecting mostly gay men (at first) on a medical scale, everyone who was really sexually active at that time was either frightened, at risk, or losing loved ones. I mean, there have to be loads of men who slept with one guy/loads of women who slept with one bisexual/queer/questioning guy who still can't give blood today because they were active and experimenting during this certain window of time.
So it's okay to not be nostalgic for a decade I didn't live in. Because it means I didn't have to go through all the (often forgotten when people get nostalgic for decades they didn't live in) terrible events either. Like when women say they would have loved to live in the 1930's because it was ohmygod so fashionable and the aesthetics were great and WWII, The Depression, and rampant misogyny/racism/other fucked up things totally didn't exist. 

And now, on a less serious note, I am once again thinking about the logistics of time travel.

Would you live in the perfect house or apartment rent-free if you found out a brutal murder had taken place there and it was rumored to be haunted? Why or why not?

I would give it a trial run. A rent-free house/apartment is too good of a deal to pass up based on hear say. And maybe the ghost would be nice. I doubt it, if it was the result of a brutal murder (which also better be cleaned up). Still, ghosts deserve a chance.

If it was an aggressive or belligerent ghost, I'd pack up and leave. 

Or there could be no ghost at all and then I win a free apartment/house!

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